Sometimes I’m like a bath that has been left just that little too long. Not hot enough to burn, not cold enough to not bother, just lukewarm enough to be slightly uncomfortable and confusing.
Do I stay in? Do I get out? Am I enjoying this? Am I not? Most the time you either accept this weird temperature, or you actually try to do something about it; whether that’s getting out, or turning on the hot water tap and waiting for the bath to warm up.
Well sometimes, I’m that lukewarm bath. Sometimes, I don’t feel anything at either end of the spectrum, I’m just…where I am. I’m not happy, proud, excited, joyous, content. I’m also not angry, sad, upset, or annoyed. I’m not really anything, I’m just sitting in a very weird in between.
We think if we’re not happy, we must then be sad. If we’re not angry, we must be calm. If we’re not smiling, we must be troubled. But what if I just am? Lukewarm isn’t always bad. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a little uncomfortable for all involved. I don’t know whether I want to stay where I am, but I’m not sure I want to leave either. I feel everything at such an intense degree that being in the middle is sometimes kinda nice. Do I like it? I wouldn’t say I do. I don’t know where I stand within myself, and I sure as hell know that you don’t know where you stand either, but there’s a convenient ease and steadiness in knowing that no matter what, I’ll just be in the middle.
We’re afraid of my apathy because it’s not the usual; I like my baths hot and my emotions hotter, but we’ve all got to cool down eventually. I’d rather be lukewarm than cold. Lukewarm is safe, and although it’s awkward, it doesn’t mean I’m empty and it doesn’t mean bad. It just means ‘unenthusiastic’, neither hot nor cold but just a little bit of both.
I’m okay with sitting in my lukewarm bath, at least for now. As for you, well…maybe we should talk if lukewarm isn’t your thing. If it is, and you’re willing to stay, wait with me while the hot tap runs. Wait with me while I warm up.
In response to the Daily Prompt ‘Lukewarm‘