I’m that lukewarm bath

Sometimes I’m like a bath that has been left just that little too long. Not hot enough to burn, not cold enough to not bother, just lukewarm enough to be slightly uncomfortable and confusing.

Do I stay in? Do I get out? Am I enjoying this? Am I not? Most the time you either accept this weird temperature, or you actually try to do something about it; whether that’s getting out, or turning on the hot water tap and waiting for the bath to warm up.

Well sometimes, I’m that lukewarm bath. Sometimes, I don’t feel anything at either end of the spectrum, I’m just…where I am. I’m not happy, proud, excited, joyous, content. I’m also not angry, sad, upset, or annoyed. I’m not really anything, I’m just sitting in a very weird in between. Continue reading

Hello Anger my old friend

I’ve come to realise that underneath everything, I am a very angry and irritable person. I’m quick to fire up and very slow to burn out. I’m a seether, a grudger, a hater of all things. Would you have guessed?

One of my friends once told me that when I get angry she knows it’s real, she knows that something must have really pissed me off, because according to her, I don’t get angry. But I’ve mentioned it before that I would rather hold it inside me than let anything come out, and that I would rather suffer than anybody else. Unfortunately for me, I think that just makes me an even angrier person. It has no where to go, so it grows and shrinks, grows and shrinks, and then just fucks up everything. Continue reading

Musings of a Carer [2]


There’s a client I’ve been seeing intermittently for the last 2 months. Ever since I met her, she’s been trying to hook me up with ‘the fish man’ who regularly visits, because, as I quote, ‘you have a lovely figure and bouncy hair, why wouldn’t he want to’. It doesn’t matter that he’s married with children and I have a partner, the only thing that has even slightly deterred her from trying to match-make is that fact that I hate fish. Apparently that’s the only thing that makes us incompatible.

This is me.

You can call me ‘J’. I’m a 21-year-old female, living in the UK. I’ve just graduated in Psychology and I’ve been trying to sort out my post-uni existence in the recent summer. By sort out, I mean ignoring my responsibilities and impending adulthood by spending as much time with my ‘still-at-uni’ friends, watching daytime TV, and baking cakes. This was going entirely fine right up until the point where I realised that the only way to fund my procrastination was to actually get a job. I start training next week. Adulting has officially begun. I spend half my time with my mum, bro, dog (Zac), and a snake (affectionately known as snakey-snoo), and the other half with my dad, step-mum, and 2 younger siblings. Finally,  I’m in a long-term, long-distance relationship with an absolutely wonderful human being who just so happens to be 130 miles away from me for most of the year. So that’s my present state of affairs. That’s the stuff you usually tell someone you just met, right?

So let’s get a little deeper. Continue reading